by Joanne Apesos
8/9/2014

Question:  Why did I spend so much time working on college and scholarship applications, writing a multitude of essay drafts, visiting dozens of colleges in the rain and snow, sampling institutional food, and then stressing out while waiting to hear from colleges?

Answer:  To go to college.

This is what you have been waiting for.  After all the work over the last several years, you’ve finally reached the place you’ve been dreaming about: college.  I’ll bet you’ve made numerous visits to Bed, Bath & Beyond, ordered items from the Container Store,  packed the Xbox (along with 25 games & DVDs), purchased a new printer, and selected matching curtains to go with your comforter (okay, guys, probably not).  It’s August and you’re ready to go.  What else do you need?  Some advice from me.

1. Disconnect for a while.  You are part of the generation that stays connected to family and friends through cell phones, Facebook, email, IM-ing, twitting, texting and all the rest.  IMPORTANT: remove yourself from all of the technology and get familiar with your new surroundings.  You don’t need to take pictures of everything, chat on Skype, or send tweets to your high school friends every hour.  Part of the process is to disengage and immerse yourself in your new environment and meet your new classmates. (Just let your parents know you are alive and doing well occasionally.)
2. Great freedom also means great responsibility.  Few cultures do what ours does: we kick you out of the house to manage yourself at 18 years of age.  It’s a lot.  You sit in class approximately 15 hours a week and you have more free time than you’ve ever had before. You can stay up as late as you want and go anywhere you want any time you want.  The freedom is great but you are also responsible for maintaining good grades, possibly holding down a part-time job, attending and participating in your classes and being an active member of the college community.  Remember: for every hour you are in class you should be spending at least two hours outside of class, studying, reading, and completing assignments. This worksheet may help you plan out your school weeks: http://www.usu.edu/arc/idea_sheets/pdf/estimate_study_hours.pdf
3. Take off the headphones.  The message that conveys is, “I’m unapproachable at the moment. Don’t bother me.”  You want to meet as many people as possible when you are new to campus.  You’d be surprised what kind of interesting conversations and people you may find just by being accessible. (You have my permission to wear them when you’re in the library or studying in your room so you can tune out noise.)
4. Stay healthy Eat a balanced diet. Get plenty of sleep. Meditate to lessen stress.  Exercise should be easy with so many options available on campus.
5. Manage your expectations.  You’ve heard that college is supposed to be the best time of your life.  You’ve heard great stories from your siblings, cousins and parents about the fun and excitement of college.  Yes, it can be, but maybe not at first.  Don’t expect to find your best friends in the first week of school.  You need to reach out and meet people in a variety of settings by attending social events, going to your classes, joining clubs, or participating in sports. It takes time and effort.  You may also be homesick for a while which is perfectly natural but don’t wallow in your room. Force yourself to move around on campus and see what’s happening.                                          
6. Be Safe and make smart decisions.  Your mom and dad most likely say that to you frequently (like I do with my kids) and it’s true. Should you decide to drink, pace yourself and know what you’re drinking (avoid any kind of “party punch”) With drinking also comes unsafe sex. According to the American College Health Association 21.8% of men and 18.4% of women reported having unprotected sex as a consequence of consuming alcohol.  

     One of the top concerns on U.S. campuses is the handling of assault and rape. Recently there have been numerous national news articles about this issue.The “Red Zone” is the time period between the beginning of the semester and Thanksgiving Break, where freshmen female students are particularly vulnerable.  Here’s a great resource: http://www.tsu.edu/Life_at_TSU/Student_Services/University_Counseling_Center/Facts%20and%20Tips%20to%20Prevent%20Sexual%20Assault%20on.pdf

1. Leave your dorm room door open (while you’re in it).  You’d be surprised how many people pop their heads into your room when you leave your door open.  It’s a great way to meet people.  Close the door when you want to study or sleep.
2. Meet your Profs.  Professors are people who want to know you.  Stop in during office hours. At many small colleges you may even be invited to their homes for a meal and to meet the family.  Who knows, you may be asked to work with them on their research and may even find internships or job opportunities through them.
3. The Roommate.  Roommate issues often cause the most distress for college freshmen.  The truth is sometimes you connect and sometimes you don’t. It’s not the end of the world if you and your roommate don’t get along.  Most colleges have a policy in place for switching roommates.  If switching isn’t a viable option, try to appreciate your differences.  Establish some ground rules such as: no overnight guests during the week, locking the door and windows (if you are on the ground floor) when you leave, and talking about conflicts that arise.  Being a good roommate works both ways; being friends is an extra bonus.
4.  Take risks.  I don’t mean walking around on campus by yourself at 3:00 a.m.  What I mean is trying new things.  Take courses in different departments, study abroad, strike up a conversation with someone in the cafeteria, take a voice class—challenge yourself in some way.  College is supposed to be about broadening your horizons.  You will never have the array of opportunities that you have in front of you now.  Another great resource:   http://www.nakedroommate.com
5. Before you go… you may want to complete a HIPAA Release and Health Care      Proxy, now that you are 18 yrs. old.  This allows doctors to release information to your parents should you have an unforeseen accident.  It also permits your parents to make emergency medical decisions on your behalf.  I spoke with Amy Antonellis of Family Legal Partners, P.C. and she considers these a must have to cover yourself against unforeseen accidents.  For example, if you are hospitalized for any reason, car accident, alcohol poisoning or exhaustion, the doctors are unable to share medical information with your parents.  These releases allow the doctors to share such information and give your parents legal authority to permit medical treatment.  For more document information you or your parents can contact Amy at Amy@FamilyLegalPartners.com.

Joanne Clary Apesos is the owner of College Pursuits, a college counseling business in Holliston.  She has advised high school students and their families in planning their college experience for many years and has presented HEF workshops for students and parents about the college selection process.  Prior to assisting high school students she worked in higher education for 20+ years as an admissions counselor, adjunct faculty and director of student activities at both public and private colleges and universities in the Northeast.  She holds a master’s degree in Higher Education from Columbia. University and is currently enrolled in UCLA’s College Counseling Certificate Program. She can be reached at joanneapesos@gmail.com.